Today’s doctor was a highly regarded oncologist, I think a melanoma specialist.
He seemed both a pragmatist and a skeptic, which for my purposes means he’s constantly looking at things from the lens of what will work, versus “what we’ve always done” or “I don’t have anything useful to offer you, so here’s some chemo – now please leave so I don’t have to think about how the system fails people like you.”
This being-a-doctor thing can’t be easy.
Anyway, we learned some things.
1. My biggish brain tumor is causing part of my brain to shift to the side. This is Not Good, but is temporary and should right itself after surgery. I already feel slightly wobbly.
2. My CT scans of chest and abdomen look good! Lymph node tumors slightly smaller than last scanned in March. Yay! But there’s a thing on my spleen that they aren’t sure what it is. So hmm.
3. All the doctors are liking brain surgery for me. All of them.
4. A likely path is surgery, then treatment of remaining brain tumors and cavity left from surgery with radiation, then taking an effective combination of immunotherapy drugs.
I’m amazed at how life unfolds.
So how do I feel about all this?
Surreal. Surely we are talking about someone else here? It’s not ME having brain surgery, but some other woman? So I can be all matter of fact and at the same time I’m not fully embracing that this is about me.
Excited. Is that whack, or what? But I tell you, I’m excited now. I’ve never had brain surgery. Something new! Maybe this is how people respond to shocking news. I don’t know. But part of me is like LET’S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD.
I feel like I should be scared, and I probably will be, but right now I’m not going there. My beloved has been AWESOME at helping me maintain perspective. I don’t know how he does it. Please love him up if you’re so inclined, I’m sure he could use it. There’s always room for more love.
My task now is to rest a lot and continue to Do The Things that will help my body be strong for what’s ahead.
Much love, as always.