I wrote a book!
Magical Goddess: A 28-Day Journey to Invoke Your Wild Goddess and Reclaim a Juicy Life
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Hugs and gratitude, Talyaa
Dear Nineteen, A year ago I wrote you a public letter containing all the things I could think of that an 18 year old man would need to know to get a good start in adult life. I thought of you then as a boy becoming a man. I imagined myself the wise elder, dispensing sage advice. That makes me laugh now. I don’t know when for sure that it happened, this shift in how I see you. Maybe it was in August when you visited and we were together for the first time in two years and you stood as a man among men and claimed your warrior self. But no,...read more
Six weeks ago there was a badass biggish tumor and a wee little one. Now, not only did the two tumors NOT reduce in size, but the biggish one is more defined than six weeks ago. And they are joined by a third tumor that just popped up — also pretty big — since six weeks ago. Tumor party!read more
Hello my lovelies, I’m on my way this week to the hospital for a brain MRI. Today is Day Twelve of a massive headache that won’t go away no matter what pain medicine I throw at it, and this is a very bad sign for someone who’s had brain tumors. Couple the headache with other signs I’m experiencing and there is, ahem, strong concern — one level below freak-out mode. This was probably preventable. My Kahuna and I know what to do and how to do it to get through cancer. I’ve been more successful than more than 99%...read more
What happens when we resist our Truth? The past several weeks I’ve been in a deep soul process. Well, to be more exact, I’ve been resisting a call to a deep soul process. Resisting, for me in this case, looks and feels a lot like depression. Very little felt good except the things I know always feel good to me: movement/dance and connection/community. I stopped painting. This was a mistake. By stopping painting I denied an essential part of myself, like cutting off an arm. Or my heart. I can get along without an arm but I need my...read more
After cancer hit more than two years ago, my relationship with scales and weighing took on a whole new dimension. It got very simple. Losing weight = death. Gaining weight = health. I gave up the option to worry about weight or what my body looked like, because I was fighting for my life.read more
These shoes became emblematic of my will to live. I was gonna say Eff You to cancer and learn to dance tango IF IT KILLED ME. Even though by the time I got the shoes, I barely had the strength to stand more than a couple of minutes, let alone dance on 3.5 inch stiletto heels.read more
A couple of nights ago I was still seeing Robin Williams links and mentions in my Facebook news feed, so I got to wondering. Why did he do it? Why did he end his life THAT WAY on THAT DAY? Why not next week? Or next year? Why suicide? Why not an accident? Cancer? Why did he not live out his life and die an old man, well-lived?read more
We feel pain when we resist our truth. So simple, yet not easy, to stop resisting. We are conditioned to resist, we are rewarded for resisting. Our inner truths often seem horrible at first, while we still resist them. Only when accepted do they become beautiful. Here's what I did that moved me through my pain.read more
I saw it in the eyes of the ER ultrasound tech as she held the scanning wand over my abdomen. She fought to control the tears in her eyes, but her look of shock and concern was unmistakable even to me, already drugged with morphine. Dying? That's ridiculous, I thought. I'm not dying. Never mind that if things continued as they had -- me curled in a fetal position from the pain and constant nausea, refusing to eat -- I would have died within weeks.read more
It doesn’t interest me what you ate for lunch I want to know how a sun-ripened peach tastes to you, what the feel of its juice running down your chin reminds you of I want to taste your breath in my mouth I want to know what scares you most, and when you feel most alive I want to feel my belly pressed against yours, two breaths and two hearts I want to know what makes you cry I want to smile when I hear your voice and notice my heart quicken in response I want to know that your laugh has a home in my heart I want to feel the space...read more
The other night my Kahuna and I went to a snuggle party: a safe, moderated experimental laboratory where sex-positive or poly or tantra people (or all three) gather to feel desires and make respectful requests of one another for non-penetrative sexy play. I had a great night. When we got home I realized how far I’ve come in life, how comfortable I’ve become in my own skin. Literally. Even just a year ago, when Kahuna and I spent 22 days in training to learn and teach tantra, I would have had a very different experience at a party...read more
As I explore my inner landscape, learning to love its lush curves and steep canyons, I think a lot about how I connect to my beloved, my loves, my world. My prayer these days is to see myself with clear eyes, to honor the power and wisdom of the Being that I Am, and to know a clear path to serving the world through my gifts.read more