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Coming Alive Again Before Brain Surgery

Posted by on Jul 5, 2015 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing | 0 comments

Coming Alive Again Before Brain Surgery

I had the very best before-brain-surgery preparation possible — a big infusion of love.

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Slow and Unsteady

Posted by on Jun 23, 2015 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing, Death + Dying, Magic, What Cancer Feels Like | 0 comments

Slow and Unsteady

Since my brain surgery, I wake up each morning, a little surprised. Welcome to another day. What will happen today?

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My Staples Are Out, A Lesson In Being Present

Posted by on Jun 22, 2015 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing, Magic | 0 comments

My Staples Are Out, A Lesson In Being Present

When future events feel overwhelming and scary, step back and breathe. Remember how loved you are. It will be okay.

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Emotional Ocean

Posted by on Apr 16, 2015 in Cancer Healing, Goddesslicious, What Cancer Feels Like | 0 comments

Emotional Ocean

My laser brain ablation surgery to take care of a 3-4 cm recurrent metastatic melanoma brain tumor was on February 3, 2015. This post is one of a series of updates that I wrote in the days following, which now I I finally have some energy/motivation to post. Some of you have been kindly inquiring as to my status, which I so appreciate! ~~~~~ We humans are marvelous magical organisms, capable of enduring endless suffering or ecstatic heights, of giving and receiving love under the most fanciful or mundane of circumstances. I bow to us and what...

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I Besmirched Los Angeles: A Tale of Brain Radiation

Posted by on Apr 15, 2015 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing, What Cancer Feels Like | 0 comments

I Besmirched Los Angeles: A Tale of Brain Radiation

My laser brain ablation surgery to take care of a 3-4 cm recurrent metastatic melanoma brain tumor was on February 3, 2015. This post is one of a series of updates that I wrote in the days following, which now I I finally have some energy/motivation to post. Some of you have been kindly inquiring as to my status, which I so appreciate! ~~~~~ Awoke this morning at 4:44 am, about 8 hours shy of my nightly sleep needs, and we drove an hour through the lightening dark to arrive at my Gamma Knife brain radiation appointment. These guys are...

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Brain Surgery One Week Report

Posted by on Apr 14, 2015 in Cancer Healing, Goddesslicious, What Cancer Feels Like | 1 comment

Brain Surgery One Week Report

My laser brain ablation surgery to take care of a 3-4 cm recurrent metastatic melanoma brain tumor was on February 3, 2015. This post is one of a series of updates that I wrote in the days following, which now I I finally have some energy/motivation to post. Some of you have been kindly inquiring as to my status, which I so appreciate! ~~~~~ For days after my surgery, I was half convinced I’d entered a new world. For weeks I had wanted it to be a new world. I had wanted to cross a magical surgical threshold and come out the other side,...

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So Happy to Be Home After Brain Surgery!

Posted by on Mar 31, 2015 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing, Goddesslicious | 4 comments

So Happy to Be Home After Brain Surgery!

My laser brain ablation surgery to take care of a 3-4 cm recurrent metastatic melanoma brain tumor was on February 3, 2015. This post is one of a series of updates that I wrote in the days following, which now I I finally have the energy/motivation to post.

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Brain Surgery Tomorrow!

Posted by on Feb 2, 2015 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing | 0 comments

Brain Surgery Tomorrow!

[This post was written for Facebook in 2014 when I was getting ready for brain surgery. I’m finally catching up now.] I feel scared. I feel joyful. I feel nervous. I feel peaceful. I believe my soulmate husband will do everything in his power to try to make sure all goes well. This man has said he has my back, and I believe him. Exhausted. Got up super early (7am, 4-5 hours earlier than I usually awake) and we drove up to LA so I could have a brain MRI and an EKG and we could meet with the radiation nurse and the radiation doctor. Last...

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What It’s Like For Me Now

Posted by on Jan 29, 2015 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing, Goddesslicious | 3 comments

What It’s Like For Me Now

It took me weeks to admit it it, but I’m doing way worse than I was. I sleep 11-12 hours a day now. Long, restless nights where I wake up many times. It’s hard to wake up in the morning. I fight it. I hardly leave the house. Going outside feels bewildering — so many things to look at, feel, remember. Everything goes by me so fast. It takes so much energy to take it all in, to process and label things like “stairs” and “walking” and “trees” and “sky” and “people” and...

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Sadness and Dread and Beauty

Posted by on Jan 28, 2015 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing | 0 comments

Sadness and Dread and Beauty

Downloads from my brain as I contemplate brain surgery to remove my big-ass tumor.

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My Brain Surgery is Scheduled!

Posted by on Jan 28, 2015 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing, Goddesslicious | 1 comment

My Brain Surgery is Scheduled!

February 3. Very early in the morning. I’m happy to finally have my next steps. Last week we saw a rockstar neurosurgeon guy in LA, the day after my soulmate husband went on a get-things-done rampage of awesomeness and magically extracted phone numbers of area neurosurgeons who do laser probe brain surgery. They do exist! A very small handful, but still. Yay! And my beloved snagged a next-day slot with the rockstar guy, who seemed very good and very capable. (I don’t remember much from the appointment since I had to get up very...

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Bigger on the Inside

Posted by on Jan 27, 2015 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing, Goddesslicious | 1 comment

Bigger on the Inside

My beloved says that my world is getting smaller. That I’m disengaging with life. That I appear to be less alive, less vital. Hmmm. Do you know the TARDIS? It’s a space-and-time machine cleverly shaped like an old-fashioned blue British police box, one of the primary enduring non-human characters on the sci-fi TV show Doctor Who. There’s a running joke: people who’ve never seen a TARDIS get inside it and are floored by how vast it is inside (so vast that we only ever see a fraction of it). They say, eyes big and mouths...

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