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Surgery Snafu

Posted by on Jan 26, 2015 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing, Goddesslicious | 0 comments

Surgery Snafu

Hello loves. I want to shed light on why I haven't had surgery yet. It's kind of a crazy story. If only my life wasn't on the line, this might be funnier! I'll start back toward the beginning... In October my head hurt. Suddenly and a lot. We had to see doctors and get a brain MRI, but guess what? My insurance, which we hadn't yet changed over from the state of Washington for a variety of reasons, wasn't accepted. No one would see me except in the ER unless I had California insurance, even though I had Medicaid which is a national program....

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My Brain, On Cancer

Posted by on Jan 9, 2015 in Cancer Goddess, What Cancer Feels Like | 1 comment

My Brain, On Cancer

Imagine that three months ago you got a sudden, constant, demanding headache -- right at the time you'd convinced yourself that life was about to get a whole lot better. Imagine then that within a week you knew that cancer had returned to where it had metastasized to your brain, and within two weeks you were pretty sure you were facing brain surgery. Nearly three months later you still await surgery. This is your new reality.

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Gifts of 2014

Posted by on Dec 31, 2014 in Cancer Goddess, Goddesslicious, Magic | 2 comments

Gifts of 2014

A year ago, standing on the bridge between 2013 and 2014, I did not imagine myself to be where I am now: living in San Diego amid and around juicy community; basking in the inner golden glow of being Talyaa; about to have brain surgery. I did, however, imagine adoring and being adored by my beloved, but 2014 brought it home to me in ways I did not foresee a year ago. Love This year I learned more about love than any year I can remember. My beloved shows me every day what love is. We had some rough times this year. In some ways we took it...

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Being More, Doing Less

Posted by on Dec 24, 2014 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing | 0 comments

Being More, Doing Less

Insomnia-fueled fears are never a good thing, except in this case my fears led me to accepting something important.

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A Visit With the Neurosurgeon

Posted by on Dec 22, 2014 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing, Goddesslicious | 1 comment

A Visit With the Neurosurgeon

[About two weeks ago I saw a neurosurgeon about my brain tumors. This is what I wrote that day.]   Hello chickadees! First things first. Surgery is a definite. Everyone agrees. But what kind? Turns out there are choices. Who knew? A. Old-fashioned craniotomy. A huge-ass incision (5-6 inches) across the front part of the top of my head after shaving my hair. Removing parts of my skull, including my left eyebrow bone, to expose the brain and cut the tumor out. Risk of infection. Risk of injury to the speech areas of my...

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Fresh Fuzzy Rugs Under My Feet

Posted by on Dec 21, 2014 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing | 0 comments

Fresh Fuzzy Rugs Under My Feet

Little things make such a big difference when there's a giant tumor growing in your brain!

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Another Day, Another Doctor

Posted by on Dec 20, 2014 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing, Goddesslicious | 0 comments

Another Day, Another Doctor

[In one week I had four appointments with four different doctors about my brain tumors. I'm almost a celebrity! This is what I wrote early last week.]   Today's doctor was a highly regarded oncologist, I think a melanoma specialist. He seemed both a pragmatist and a skeptic, which for my purposes means he's constantly looking at things from the lens of what will work, versus "what we've always done" or "I don't have anything useful to offer you, so here's some chemo - now please leave so I don't have to think about how the...

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Happy Birthday to My Nineteen Year Old Son

Posted by on Dec 19, 2014 in Goddesslicious, Non-Custodial Mothering | 0 comments

Happy Birthday to My Nineteen Year Old Son

Dear Nineteen, A year ago I wrote you a public letter containing all the things I could think of that an 18 year old man would need to know to get a good start in adult life. I thought of you then as a boy becoming a man. I imagined myself the wise elder, dispensing sage advice. That makes me laugh now. I don't know when for sure that it happened, this shift in how I see you. Maybe it was in August when you visited and we were together for the first time in two years and you stood as a man among men and claimed your warrior self. But...

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I Want To Die (Temporarily)

Posted by on Dec 18, 2014 in Best of The Goddess, Cancer Goddess, Death + Dying | 0 comments

I Want To Die (Temporarily)

Here's where I explore death, the temporary kind. Wait, what? Temporary death?? Maybe it's the brain tumor talking.

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Christmas Presents

Posted by on Dec 17, 2014 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing | 0 comments

Christmas Presents

Priorities when in poverty and in medical crisis means choosing food and rent over iPads and espresso makers. Or even just a nice pair of socks.

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The Waiting (Is the Hardest Part)

Posted by on Dec 13, 2014 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing | 0 comments

The Waiting (Is the Hardest Part)

Waiting around to have someone cut cancer out of one's brain requires far more than I suspected. Waiting is hard.

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More Tired

Posted by on Dec 7, 2014 in Cancer Goddess, Cancer Healing | 0 comments

More Tired

[This post was written for Facebook in 2014 when I was getting ready for brain surgery. I'm finally catching up now.] All the lights are on. There's a cat on my lap. Christmas music streams. My beloved sits next to me. Too much. Too much to process. Lights, sounds, presence, sensation. My brain is overloaded and can't handle so much stimulus. Doctors don't tell you about this part, that with brain tumors you'll need to rest from the exertion of sitting. They don't tell you that you'll navigate the flights of steps down to the beach...

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