A week ago yesterday I had a PET scan. Partly as a diagnostic tool — I’ve never had one and they reveal valuable information about the metabolic activity of cancer in the body, plus often light up teeny areas not easily seen on other types of scans — and partly as a checkup, a how’m-I-doing evaluation. I was not nervous going in, and in fact felt pretty awesome about it.
A little help….?
The night before the scan, the Divine gave me the idea to ask for a little help. Create a PARTY around my scan, much like the hoopla event I made when I had Gamma Knife brain radiation in May. So I posted this to Facebook:
Beloveds — I’m having a PET-CT scan tomorrow (full body cancer scan)…. Would so very much appreciate your good thoughts, prayers, gong-ringing, chants, and “cancer begone” wishes.
(Test is at about 11am PDT)
In love and gratitude…
That post received 129 likes and 73 comments. Can you say WHOA? Total party.
Rocked the Scan Day
Kahuna dropped me off at the hospital door. I went in alone. He had stuff to do, and it actually felt good being alone — a message to the Universe that hey, I’m feeling awesome and don’t need my beloved to help walk me down halls and into elevators anymore. I wrapped myself in sari scarves and made my entrance. Hospital peeps treated me like a normal person, aka not like someone they thought might keel over on them at any time. Noted.
The scan was cool. A double dose of pre-warmed blankets, Pandora playing Yoga Workout on the speakers, an hour of closed-eye meditative bliss chanting Lakshmi and Shiva mantras in my head. I felt a surging wave of yumminess start at 11am, the time I asked people to think about me.
The hardest part was not eating since the night before. Kahuna packed yogurt and strawberries for me, tucked inside a paper Whole Foods bag. I ate while I waited for him to pick me up. This is the note I found in the bag:
And then I went home and posted this:
An hour of lying still under warm blankets inside a donut-shaped machine. Radioactive tracer in my vein. Chill music from Yoga Workout (Pandora) on the speakers. Set my Lakshmi mantra on autopilot in my head. Drifty, blissful, connected. Totally felt all your prayers, drumming, gongs, thoughts. Pure magic. So grateful.
Results in a week. Sooner if I can. I’m leaving this in the hands of Spirit. Feeling calm, peaceful, and determined.
I love you all. Thank you for being a part of my bliss!
To which there were 101 likes and 39 comments. Whoa again! (This is probably what Sally Field felt when she won her second Oscar and gushed, “You like me, you really like me!”)
And now, the unveiling! (aka Results)
And now, the results. I will spare you tales of yesterday’s sparring with an uninvited and unannounced intern at the cancer center, the teeny bare room, and the frustration about getting answers to questions about drug combos and strategies I may or may not want to use, and instead I’ll just repeat what I posted to Facebook:
Hey! Who wants results from the PET-CT SCAN I had a week ago…?
(Ready?)(hope you’re sitting down)
1. Biggish tumor = 2/3 previous size.
2. Smallish tumors = NOT DETECTABLE AS CANCER.
Anyone want to raise a glass of HELL YEAH with me?
Still don’t know about the brain, cuz apparently PET scans don’t measure brain stuff and nobody told us that. MRI scheduled stat.
But… Here’s to unconventional methods, being your own best advocate, not being afraid of the hard road, and not taking no for an answer.
So much love to all of you.
To which the likes and comments are STILL rolling in. Last count was 150 likes and 95 comments. My friend Isabella observed that she’s never seen this many comments on a post by a non-celebrity. To which I say, Hmmmm…
Takeaways yes yes yes!
The cancer thing. The direction the treatments I choose from here depends on a lot of things: availability, feasibility, and need. There’s a lot to say for the idea of if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I’m not out of the woods yet — I’m going for No Evidence of Disease (NED), which means I intend being super-healthy and vibrant, way healthier than I ever have been as long as I can remember, for decades to come — but dang! Things are looking pretty awesome, aren’t they?
The group-magic thing. There is magic for me in groups. I never saw this until recently because I’ve been afraid of groups, afraid of judgment, afraid of being seen, afraid to shine and stand out. But guess what? Things have changed. I LOVE groups. I LOVE being seen. I LOVE the magic that takes place when hearts come together for a common cause. And I know now that the judgment I feared was my own. I envision a future — my future — where not only do I shine like crazy diamonds but I also hold high a light that reflects the brilliance of all you other brilliant radiant beings out there.
The future thing. Bright, so bright. Stay tuned.
Holy wow, this is a good good life.