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Cancer Goddess

Cancer Goddess Rises, Day 7-8: 9 Months

Posted by on Aug 8, 2012 in Cancer Goddess | 8 comments

The movie version In movies, the patient is ushered into a plush wood-paneled office. There is an air of bewildered expectation. Something is about to happen. The music swells, high violins over soft piano. A large desk, clear of papers except for a single folder, fills the room. Tasteful framed diplomas grace the walls. Outside is a peaceful scene, a grassy spot with a pond. We get a closeup of the ducks in the pond. The doctor leans back in his leather-clad chair, his fingertips together in...

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Cancer Goddess Rises, Day 6: How to Use Fear

Posted by on Aug 6, 2012 in Cancer Goddess | 4 comments

Good fear or bad fear? Today I figured out that there is good fear and bad fear. First a word on emotions. I learned all my life that emotions are bad, they make people uncomfortable, and when you feel them you should just go away. Not a good thing, no?  Imagine my welcoming surprise to find out that emotions are energy. In motion. E+motion = Energy in Motion. Sweet, eh? Every emotion — anger, sadness, joy and fear — has a reason for being. Like superheroes, they swoop in to protect...

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Cancer Goddess Rises, Day 5: What I’m Doing + Feeling

Posted by on Aug 5, 2012 in Cancer Goddess | 2 comments

A long time ago I watched the autobiographical movie All That Jazz, directed by choreographer Bob Fosse. There was a moment when the main character, facing his own death by heart attack from hard living, goes through the classic Elizabeth Kübler-Ross 5 stages of dying: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. I remember thinking how silly, who does that? Me, that’s who. I’ll be honest, it took me a few days to let the idea sink in that there is something going on in my...

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Cancer Goddess Rises, Day 4: Deserving

Posted by on Aug 4, 2012 in Cancer Goddess | 4 comments

Just now I caught myself composing a Facebook status in my head. I do this a lot. Few of them make it to print, but I make them up all the time. It’s a lot like how Soulmate and I will be talking about something and then stop and say to each other, “That’s a blog post!” My faux Facebook status was. Today I am grateful for my Soulmate, my Wild Warrior Wizard, who is showing up and living his Great Story with me even though it is really, really hard, like today. Showing...

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Cancer Goddess Rises Day 3, The Luckiest

Posted by on Aug 3, 2012 in Cancer Goddess | 2 comments

In 2006, I played one particular song over and over on my iPod. I played it and cried, wanting to dive into the song and make it my life. I wanted to feel so right, so wanted, so wanting — all the things the song meant to me then. After 2006 I stopped listening. I moved on. Other music, other desires, replaced that song in my playlist. Today I scanned  iTunes, looking for something to plug into while I wrote. Soulmate sat across from me on the robin’s egg blue sofa. We found that when...

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Cancer Goddess Rises: Day 2, I Failed

Posted by on Aug 2, 2012 in Cancer Goddess | 12 comments

Epic fail: I effed up. I caused this. I have cancer because I was afraid to feel dismissed by arrogant doctors. Yep. That about sums it up. I judge that I am about to possibly die and lose so much awesomeness in my life because I was afraid to take my weird looking mole to the doctor and have them tell me it was nothing and have them charge me $250 to be humiliated and told I m imagining things, I am making it up, there is nothing wrong with me. I see what I did. I know what I did. And now I am...

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