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Non-Custodial Mothering

Happy Birthday to My Nineteen Year Old Son

Posted by on Dec 19, 2014 in Goddesslicious, Non-Custodial Mothering | 0 comments

Dear Nineteen, A year ago I wrote you a public letter containing all the things I could think of that an 18 year old man would need to know to get a good start in adult life. I thought of you then as a boy becoming a man. I imagined myself the wise elder, dispensing sage advice. That makes me laugh now. I don’t know when for sure that it happened, this shift in how I see you. Maybe it was in August when you visited and we were together for the first time in two years and you stood as a...

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Here’s how it went down with the wizards of Palm Springs

Posted by on Jul 3, 2013 in Cancer Goddess, Goddesslicious, Non-Custodial Mothering | 4 comments

Yes! I’ve recovered sufficiently from our Palm Springs trip to talk about it. Details! You want details! Here you go. But first. My advice to you — should you choose to accept it — is to never, NEVER, embark on an intense, early-morning martial arts 5-day seminar in the desert less than two weeks after you’ve had brain radiation, on the very day a controversial story about you airs on national TV. Just don’t. Because there is surely the taste of heartbreak involved. (Cake...

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Talyaa’s on TV! ABC 20/20 June 14, 2013

Posted by on Jun 13, 2013 in Cancer Goddess, Non-Custodial Mothering | 13 comments

More than two years ago, ABC 20/20 contacted me. Can we talk to you about being a non-custodial mother? they said. Um, sure, I said, and do you want a side of DUH with that? On the summer solstice of 2008 I got in my car, packed to the gills with everything I owned, and drove away. Away from my three kids. Away from never-ending conflict with their dad. Away from Not Living My Purpose. I drove toward the Pacific Northwest. Toward my soulmate. Toward breaking new ground as a different kind of...

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For Serena, on the occasion of her 13th birthday

Posted by on Jan 15, 2013 in Goddesslicious, Non-Custodial Mothering | 1 comment

Dear Sweetcake, Have I ever told you the story of your birth? You were incredibly wanted. When your older brother Nathaniel was about two and a half, I started thinking about the age gap between me and MY older brother, which I had always thought was optimal (probably because that’s what Grandma and Grandpa told me): two and a half years. I wanted Nathaniel to have a sibling close in age since your older sister Jessica was an only child for nearly 12 years until Nathaniel came along and...

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For Nathaniel, on the occasion of his 17th birthday

Posted by on Dec 19, 2012 in Cancer Goddess, Non-Custodial Mothering | 3 comments

Dear Nathaniel, 17 years ago, I met you for the first time. Do you remember? Perhaps not, but I do. I was very excited. I liked being pregnant with you. So much promise contained in the roundness of my belly, the roundness that was your home for 9 months. There was an entire person in there! After we moved to Doylestown when you were about 5 months cooked and I was no longer working, I did a lot of nothing. Read books, cat on lap. Ate bananas and Tootsie Rolls. Painted your room purple. Got to...

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Countdown

Posted by on Apr 10, 2012 in Non-Custodial Mothering | 2 comments

In just over six weeks I will voluntarily relinquish custody of our three children to my former spouse, crossing my fingers with unfounded hope and trust, and leave them. Perhaps indefinitely. The person I thought I was will no longer exist and in her place will stand someone else entirely. I'll sell or give away most of my belongings, pack my car with what remains, hug my kids, and drive away. Alone.

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