I really thought I was going to go unscathed of any heavy Gamma Knife aftereffects. After all, I had The Healing Three Hundred along with me, right?
But no. Massive abdominal pain, headache, stiff neck, nausea, fever, and bone-crushing fatigue moved in Thursday evening just before martial arts practice. What do I do? Soldier on. I thought movement would help move things and then I’d feel better, right? So there I was, doing my best to do Ocean Form and not feeling very ocean-like (it’s supposed to look like this; what I do looks more like the guy on the right here, minus the top hat and cane). Finally I gave up and sat out of class. Kahuna took me home. A million worries filled my head and kept me from sleeping. That and the need to throw up.
This was all a surprise because up until Thursday I was feeling better than ever, or at least as good as I’ve felt since my diagnosis 10 months ago.
Better today after 36 hours of yuck. Still stupid-tired. Fuzzy brain. Things hurt that don’t usually hurt. I need to juice but right now I’m all fuck juicing, the carrots can wait.
I’m worried because a big chunk of the rapidly-dwindling donations we’ve so gratefully received is going towards a magical, intense healing opportunity: a week of martial arts instruction. That sounds so lame compared to what it is! This isn’t kicking and punching. For me, it’s a bunch of things. Bigtime internal healing and opening energy channels. A week in Palm Springs in the heat. Our first “vacation” in more than two years. A super big deal that, for me, costs a lot of money. We chose carefully where to invest money and what would give the most bang. I can’t blow this by being full of cancer! I want all that the experience can give me, and I think I need to be strong enough and alert enough to take it all in. I sensed all along that Gamma Knife wouldn’t affect me much but now I just don’t know. It’s so hard to just be patient and wait. Things could turn around very soon.
Meanwhile, there is a pile of carrots calling my name.
This is just me healing, right? I am telling myself that. A healing reaction. My body getting into gear to deal with the Fucker Bears in my brain. Right?