I did, however, imagine adoring and being adored by my beloved, but 2014 brought it home to me in ways I did not foresee a year ago.
This year I learned more about love than any year I can remember. My beloved shows me every day what love is. We had some rough times this year. In some ways we took it down to the bone, drilling down to find the gold underneath all the petty stuff. And now, for me, it’s all gold. Even with this brain surgery stuff and the angst and worry and lack of money and staggeringly bleak odds of surviving very long. All gold.
I love that man.
San Diego sunshine
I write this on ironically one of the coldest days of the year here (40 degrees?! brr!), but moving to San Diego was one of the best things we’ve done. I had a compelling vision and my man made it happen even though it was very difficult getting here, including breaking my hand in the moving truck halfway here. But every day now I feel blessed, from little things like palm trees and winter flowers to bigger things like community events and hugs and dancing and THE OCEAN. So thankful to be here in my home state again.
We live a mile from the ocean, a famous surfing beach. Our town’s main street is lined with surf shops and taco stands. Bikinis everywhere. Sand lives in our cars’ floor mats and in our shoes. Mother Ocean feels so near, so powerful, so filled with life. How could this not be a gift?
I never used to believe it when people called me beautiful. Now I do. As in: every flower is beautiful. The best part: you’re a flower too.
Okay fine, the brain tumors
I’ll elaborate more on this another time, but because of my current physical state which includes tumors and boatloads of medication-type things, I feel more like myself now than ever before.
The layers stripped away. I expanded. I feel peaceful and I anticipate What Comes Next, even though my awareness is more in the present than ever. I like existing this way, though I couldn’t have done it without all that came before.
People are amazingly kind
They just are. You are. Every day now my beloved and I are confronted by new kindnesses: donations to our muchly-needed cancer fund; actual physical gifts (!); offers of massage and bodywork; encouraging notes; hugs.
So. Much. Magic.
There’s also a whole world of amazingly kind people out there who do kindnesses that change other people’s lives. I see it. I feel it. Gifts every day.
Life is a gift
I get it now, I really do. Every breath, every heartbeat, is a gift. A privilege to experience. The good stuff and the challenging stuff. I feel so fortunate to know this now, really know it in my bones.
Thank you, 2014. And thank you to all of you who were a part of it.Much love, as always. Happy 2015