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(Just like) Starting Over: Major tweaks to weeding the cancer garden

goddess-inside-outHi, I’m Talyaa, and all my cells are turning inside out.

We got some bad news last week. I went in for a CT scan of my head to prepare for the Cyber Knife process that was supposed to zap the shit out of Fucker Bear. Cyber Knife is a kinder, gentler radiation robot thing that doesn’t require bolting a metal Frankenstein frame to my skull (yes, really… go here for a photo), and I was pretty excited to try it.

Then we met with my radiation oncologist and she’s all, “Too bad, so sad, but Fucker Bear has five new friends that weren’t there last week and you’re pretty fucked but oh well, we’ll go Gamma Knife on you because otherwise you’re looking at 24 separate radiation blasty thingies instead of doing it all in one go and that’s just stupid and I don’t do stupid.” (She may not have actually said all those words but that’s how I remember it.)

Gamma Knife is where you’re bolted down with a metal frame screwed into your head so you can’t move and then they shoot radiation at you from like a zillion angles via a zillion tiny robots. Cyber Knife is where you’re held down with a flexible woven plastic mask and then they shoot radiation at you from a single angle at a time from one robotic arm. Results are almost the same. Gamma Knife is slightly more precise. Precision is nice when robots are shooting radiation into your brain.

Anyway, did you catch the part about Fucker Bear having FIVE NEW FRIENDS?

This is the opposite of good news.

So. We are not running around like headless chickens about this (oh, and I am convinced that the Three Tumor Bears in my abdomen have also grown exponentially, so there’s that too). I will not let this news send me into a tailspin of fears about Failing Cancer. Time for winning.

So it’s Action Time.

Here is the thinking.

I already knew I wanted to change my healing program because Gerson Therapy foods aren’t the right foods for me. I always sensed this, but we didn’t have time to spare last August to figure everything out foodwise, because cancer was winning and I needed to instead reverse things and WIN CANCER, and and Gerson is a complete system that works great for a lot of people. And it worked great for a while. And then it stopped working. My body got used to it.

Gerson Therapy is pretty much just apples, carrots, lettuce and potatoes. And while there are good reasons for apples, carrots, lettuce and potatoes, they aren’t the best things for every person’s body. I believe we are way more individual than that. Kahuna and I did metabolic testing recently through a system called Functional Diagnostic Nutrition (more on this in coming days) and found out all kinds of cool things about what our bodies really need, and we did another test that shows things that actually hurt us if we eat them. Guess what’s on my hurty-foods list? Apples and lettuce. So Gerson is out. Except for the overall concept of it, which rocks:

  • tons of potassium
  • very low sodium
  • digestive enzymes
  • detox with coffee enemas

The idea now is to eat what is right for my metabolism, to give my body the fuel that it needs to do what it needs to do for healing and for living.

This means no more apples. No more lettuce. No more Swiss chard. Most of the juices I’ve been drinking for the last nine months contain at least one of these ingredients. But now we are SUPERCHARGING. We developed horrendous highly nutritious concoctions from different groups of juiceable vegetables and it all tastes like someone else’s barf. Plus I’m adding a shit ton of potassium to every juice, which makes even a palatable juice taste like swamp. But whatever. I’m on a healing rampage.

All of these changes mean my body is freaking out. Nothing feels good. I’m back to square one. Back to feeling like my entire body is turning out. Back to being nauseated and feeling like crap. This is temporary and I’ll get used to things, but for now it’s just like starting over.


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  1. mathildawheeler

    You are one powerful writer, Talyaa–now and always. It’s an honor to read you.

  2. Cynthia ZC

    It’s true… your writing is getting sharper better stronger.

    About the other… that is some damn hard news to rally from.

    May unexpected humour and support lighten the load.

    With support, Cynthia ZC

  3. su

    seeing you completely healed with love……..

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