Hey hi hello my loves, today I received my first (of four) infusions of immunotherapy through a clinical trial. We refer to it as my magical elixir, since it takes the brakes off the immune system and sets it free to go after anything that doesn’t belong in my body. Like cancer.
Last night I got quiet inside and sent messages to my body. Immune system, I love you and am so thankful for you, and now it’s time to kick into gear! Cancer cells, thank you for all you’ve taught me and I love you for it but it’s time for you to go, so make yourselves visible to those macrophages!
My beloved and I sat for more than four hours while magic dripped into my veins.
Outside the window were flowers and trees. We read inspiring books about magic and miracles, ate healthy snacks, and shone our radiant hearts on the nursing staff.
I listened to my power song.
Follow feelings of aliveness, and the universe will give you more. Attune your soul to magic, and life becomes so much more magical. Open your heart to love, and love becomes all there is.
Speaking of my new terminal diagnosis, on August 20 we got results from a spine MRI that we had done because I was feeling some pain in my back. Bad news, people. Very bad news. It’s called Leptomeningeal Carcinomatosis, which basically means “tumors in the spine” (I have at least seven of them), and more emphatically, “you’re fucked and there’s nothing we can do”. Rogue cells from all that cancer in my brain got into my spinal fluid and had a party.
Prognosis: THREE WEEKS.
I don’t accept that, and I have a ton of faith in this immunotherapy, so let’s do this thing shall we? I feel the magic already.