The whole thing feels so surreal to me now. Did that just happen? Did I let someone stab my brain with a robot?
I’m resting a lot. My beloved husband Kahuna knew what to expect in my recovery, which is a good thing because I just surrendered to the process and didn’t ask many questions. He knows the questions to ask and I trust this man with my life.
Sleep, good food, quiet, and love.
And oh! All of you! So magical! I felt deeply held by you. As the days go I will get to every comment left for me this week, each one so important and such a part of my journey. Thank you for being here, for witnessing, for loving me and my man.
I needed you.
1) two red dots on my forehead from when they screwed on a frame to steady my head for treatment. Ugh. It’s a small thing but I didn’t know to expect it. They will heal pretty quickly.
2) stiff “Something About Mary” gel covering the front half of my hair. What is this? Anti-germ? Finally was able to rinse it off today.
3) STAPLES IN MY HEAD. To seal the entry wounds from the brain stabbing.
4) can’t remember things. To be expected. I don’t mind. I just ask if I don’t know.
5) super tired. Everything is stimulation: sounds, lights, sensations, words, thoughts. Gah. I don’t know how to turn it off. So then I just close my eyes and sink into feeling my heartbeat through my body (I feel my pulse in my fingers!), which evidently is one of my after-brain-surgery tricks.
1) avoid bedpans.
2) if you’re in the hospital, have a warrior advocate with you.
3) do less sometimes.
4) appreciate those who love you.
5) remember to wonder.
Life is such a gift, as I see it.
A quick shout-out of love and adoration to my magical man of devotion. He has eased my way through this in so many ways. Deeply thoughtful and so appreciated. He is my warrior wizard, my best friend ever, and my everything.
Pretty soon I’ll be snuggled in front of a fire, cat on lap, man nearby. Life is good.
Much love, as always.