Did you miss the first Tantra Land Diaries from CTE1 in July? Go here.
Other Tantra Land Diaries posts in the current series (go on, read them now. This post will make much more sense if you do. I’ll wait, semi-patiently…):
Day 1, ARRIVAL.
Day 2, CONFLICT.
Day 3, SAFETY.
Day 4, INTEGRATION.
Day 5, THE GODDESS.
Day 6, REST DAY.
Day 7, SHAME.
Day 8, SURRENDER.
Day 9, POWER.
Back now? Awesome. Carry on!
Morning class begins an hour later than usual, thank goddess. My beloved and I use the time for needed things — I stay behind and juice enough for the next several days while my Kahuna heads to use Internet at the pro shop (our training is held at a golf course). He has things to write. For ten days now he’s been writing his deep process and preparing marketing materials. Today is our Day of Power. Today two become one. Today we begin our Fantastical Odyssey of Love, Mojo and Wonderment!
Morning class is a debrief of last night’s sessions. We are all so bonded now! I love all the faces in the room. My family. The Chariot and I stand together arm in arm and tell our story of last night. Thunderbolts and Thor. So many beautiful stories of connection, release, deep healing, and pleasure. Every one of us went deeper and flew higher last night than ever before.
I have a session with TJ today. My beloved is there too and I am loved by two men. TJ invokes healing and support from the elements. He is breath coach, magician, and lover all at once. My Kahuna’s face beams love. Two men holding healing space for me.
I let go of fears of men touching my yoni. Years of shame, discomfort, and avoidance because I thought I couldn’t choose for myself who touches me and where and when. Childhood sexual abuse. The memory came up and I gave it all to Goddess. Gone in a healing flood of amrita.
Now I know why I used to go dead inside when men touched me. Now I know why I never really wanted to touch my own yoni. Now I know why. Knowledge is power. I feel so much more whole now.
Puja night. We all wear something special. I love seeing how my Tantra family shows up in their finery. We sparkle. We glow. We take pictures of one another. I am so proud to have a photo with my mentor, the wonderful teacher Charles Muir. This is a rite of passage for me. Because of this man, his generosity of heart and spirit and his great wisdom, I have life within me. I found purpose. And I found my tribe. I can’t say enough about this work and about Charles and the amazing teaching team he has amassed. I am so blessed.
Puja is deep tonight. 14 couples. The men make the outer circle, the women the inner. When the bell rings, we women step to the left and fall in love with a new partner. I am in love with all the men. Some connections are deeply healing — we hold energy of mothers or fathers, we command our partners to awaken, we invoke one another’s powers of healing, we gaze with eyes of compassion and unconditional love — and others are profoundly sensual. The goddess amrita is called forth and amplified by the power of tonight’s full moon.
The last bell ring brings me back to my Kahuna. We stand in the center of the circle and speak words of love and commitment to one another. The Musician stands with Kahuna. The beautiful dakini Christy stands with me. We slip silver rings on one another’s fingers, rings inscribed “ma anam cara” (my soulmate). I kiss him. He kisses me.
We are married.
(Sexiest wedding ever)
The Chariot has made wonderful food for all to share. We eat, hug, laugh, and connect deeply. This is my family, my tribe. These are the people I love.
I go back to the villa with my husband. There is loving tonight, so much loving.