Months ago, my friend Birgit suggested a book called Choosing Easy World. Might I like to know the secret of getting in the flow? Not struggling so much? Feeling at peace with my world, like the universe is conspiring FOR me instead of against? Dude. I’m all OVER that. I ordered the book. And became insufferable with all my comments to soulmate Kahuna about how he, too, could have Easy World.
Fast forward. Kahuna wants Easy World now too, whatever that means and however we can craft it. Big plans! Life is supposed to be pleasurable and fun and meaningful. The past year — since my Stage 4 cancer diagnosis July 28, 2013 and even before that — has been a long slog through pain and fear and uncertainty and ick for both of us. Our love shines through the ick. Our love paves the way to the gold. Our love is the river to Easy World.[Confession: I didn’t actually read the whole book. I only know part of the secret to living in Easy World. I used to believe that I could reap benefits from books just by owning them, by having them on a shelf and breathing in the scent of the pages, maybe, or by breathing in tiny book-molecules. I don’t have to read a book to receive its gifts! I could just BUY books and admire them on the shelf. So I thought. And this may still be true, because we seem to have slipped into Easy World somehow, without even trying….]
It started even before the Palm Springs trip. I don’t even know how it came up the first time, but all of a sudden we were talking about tantra yoga. Healing through tantra. Tantra as a path in life, tantra as a means to juicy, meaningful community, tantra as a way to bring our gifts into the world. One moment we were tantra-less. The next moment we knew. T.A.N.T.R.A. Time to dive in. Kahuna was already on the tantra path before he met his Mistress Tango, so he knew. And just like I knew that Oom Yung Doe was the martial arts path for me the second I saw it, about tantra I knew, too. Instantly. Boom.
Easy World, remember? Turns out that yes, there was a tantra teacher-training workshop coming up. We wouldn’t have to wait months until the next one. They had space and we had just enough beautiful energy-moolah left from our fundraising to say yes.
Yes to healing. Yes to community. Yes to our path. Yes to love. Yes.
Tomorrow we drive to the mountains above Santa Cruz California to meet our destiny. 10 days in the redwoods. Our tribe is there, I am pretty sure, and I will feel more loved than I ever have so far. So, yes this is scary for me. Receiving sexual healing from men and women I haven’t yet met. Giving healing and holding space and energy for healing, in my cancer-weakened state. Seeing my beloved be loved by others. I’m not scared as much as I am excited. FINALLY some old wounds will be loved into wholeness. I have all kinds of shit around my sexuality and being frail and fragile from cancer hasn’t helped. I have rape and abuse issues to hold in wholeness. I have self doubts and worthiness issues to release into love. I have fears and shames still unnamed. But with all the fear is an undercurrent — a raging river, really — of solid knowingness that THIS is the right path and that all the fears and doubts will melt away in the face of so much love, and that the woman who leaves the workshop is the woman walking into wholeness and claiming her place as a goddess among goddesses.
Fucking powerful. I can feel it. The river is unstoppable.
But wait! There’s more!
San Diego is so (relatively) close to Palm Springs that I couldn’t head back to Seattle last month without stopping to meet with the Cancer Guru Guy. Found him on a forum. Guy knows his shit. We sat with him for two hours, interviewing him and him interviewing us. Could we work together? Does his approach fit ours? Do we have beliefs that might limit his efficacy? Yes, yes, and no. We fit. He’s out of the box, just like us. He works with what works, not with any one path or method. Astounding efficacy, when you compare his work to standard medicine. Easy choice to make. Easy world.
After tantra we head to San Diego to deal with the fucking cancer once and for all with Cancer Guru Guy. I’ll spend about a week there, concocting a systemic treatment plan and then starting the treatment. I expect to feel like shit some of the time, but who cares? We’ll be in San Diego and I’ll be flying high from all the tantra-love and owning my power as a goddess. Oh, and I’ll be weeding the cancer garden with incredible abandon. Fuck yeah.
This is Easy World. Our last trip was a warmup. This one is the real deal. This one is the game changer. This trip sets in motion the path for the rest of our lives.
Booyah. I can’t wait.