Hello you beauties!
It’s time for a little tête-à-tête. Here, have some Valentine’s Day chocolate while I sip my tea and tell you about all the exciting things my body is doing. You may recall last fall I had scans and they were good news. Good news in my brain and good news in my bod. But here’s some stuff you don’t know, an update to the last time I wrote about this stuff:
1. I’m gaining weight.
Kahuna calls me a horker. He’s kidding, of course, but weighing less than three digits was a sign of Bad Things and also did not leave much room for things to go wonky again, should that happen (which it won’t, but it could). Today I weighed just over 105 lbs, which is about average these days and a far cry from the 92 lbs I weighed a year ago. Weight gain is good. It means that cancer isn’t eating my body anymore. It means that my body has a bit more fat on it and functions more like a healthy person. It means I’m not dying. I’m still thin but people tell me I look more…solid. Like I’m not going anywhere.
2. I’m gaining muscle.
I blame yoga. We started doing yoga last summer during Tantraland and I loved it. Once back in Seattle we looked around for hot yoga studios. The heat interacts with meds I take and increases their efficacy. Plus the heat feels awesome. I do 60-75 minutes of hot sweaty flow yoga at Core Power 4-5 times a week. And it’s awesome. I love how it feels to move my body. I love the feel of sweat dripping on my skin. I love how flexible my spine is becoming. I love seeing muscles emerge from where six months ago or a year ago there was just skin-over-bone. All those chaturangas are adding up — I’ve never had this much awesomeness in my upper body and legs! (I’ll pop you a bicep is you ask nicely)
3. I can drive again.
You’ve no idea how important this was. I didn’t drive for more than a year. It was scary. I shook and sweated bullets. It wasn’t safe. Things happened around me too fast and it took SO much energy to look for cars and people and roads and signs and try not to hit things. So I said no to driving for a long time. And now I can say yes. Yes to shortish distances, but at least I can drive to yoga and a few other places.
4. I get to eat real food.
I’m still juicing. Six 8-oz. juices a day, but in between there’s real food! Lots of it! I’m eating constantly, it seems, especially on yoga days when I burn an extra 450 calories. I eat carefully and cleanly — everything’s organic and there’s very little sugar or salt or foods that we didn’t make, and meats are all pasture-raised organic blah blah, but still. A far cry from last year’s endless parade of plain baked potatoes.
5. I take 160+ pills a day.
If anyone had told me a year and a half ago, when all this cancer stuff started, that I’d be swallowing 160 pills a day, I’d have told them to fuck off, it’s not possible, NO ONE DOES THAT. But they do. I do. It’s like boiling a frog. You start off at a simmer and slowly increase the heat. We kept adding more and more and more things I need to take. Shrug. I tell myself that it’s not forever and hopefully it’s not but I choose not to think tat far ahead, at least not about pills. One day at a fucking time.
6. I spend most of my day doing self-care.
This is the hard part. I’m awake for 14+ hours a day, and more than 10 of those hours are spent doing cancer care stuff: enemas, juicing, eating, yoga, swallowing pills. Doesn’t leave time for much else, and yeah I’m kinda pissed about that, but right now that’s the path. I’m great at multi-tasking, but be warned. If I’m texting you I might also be doing an enema.
7. I have more energy.
Started a new med at the beginning of January and it took me out for a month. A month of feeling like I had the flu. Know what flu symptoms are? They’re your body’s awesome immune system, kicking into high gear. Thus the body aches and fatigue and general crappiness. So this new med kicked my immune system in the ass, twisted its arm, and made it say uncle. Because it’s a badass mofo, that new med. Totally getting the job done, making my bodacious bod go after the cancer. Big yays. But mostly I’m feeling way better. Hence the yoga and the driving.
8. Canary in the coal mine is GONE.
Remember the wee canary nugget nestled above my right hip bone? That fucker is GONE. It got bigger — way bigger — and the skin over it reddened and it HURT. And we thought, well, this could be bad news or REALLY GOOD NEWS (body making it go buh-bye). Which of course it’s good news. All gone. Didn’t leave a forwarding address. My body rocks. The other wee nuggets we could feel are also now gone or way smaller. And I get pains where the bigger tumors are and when that happens we clap for joy because my body is so kick-ass.
9. My immune system rocks.
My daughter visited last fall and brought the plague with her, something she picked up from sitting next to Typhoid Mary on the airplane ride over and getting coughed on for six hours. She spent her visit using up an entire box of Kleenex and feeling miserable, and then Kahuna came down with it a couple of days later and suffered for weeks, but guess who DID NOT GET SICK? The irony.
Gonna have new scans in a couple of months. I’m expecting good news.
What’s new in your world, sweet pea?