As I explore my inner landscape, learning to love its lush curves and steep canyons, I think a lot about how I connect to my beloved, my loves, my world. My prayer these days is to see myself with clear eyes, to honor the power and wisdom of the Being that I Am, and to know a clear path to serving the world through my gifts.
Last night I received two calls for help. One from a woman who had suffered a violation similar to one I experienced about a year ago. The other from another woman also experiencing violation. I give thanks that I had wisdom and heart to share in service to my sisters, to help soothe their souls, give voice to their wounds, and embrace in union and recognition that we walk this world as one.
I feel blessed by a universe that reflects my inner landscape back to me. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy lately dwelling on the violations in my life. How beautiful that I created this opportunity to see my wisdom and to shift my beliefs about my life.
Today I took a restorative yoga class, very different from the sweaty hour of hot power vinyasa I am accustomed to. Restorative yoga is yin — an hour of Be-ing, an invitation to go within and love one’s body for what it is rather than what you think it should be.
I experience daily pain in my hips and I constantly compare my body to other, more flexible bodies. This barrage of thought and lack and “should” does not serve me, does it?
Fine. I’m shutting that thing down right now. No more “shoulds” about my body. Instead — celebration! I am living a miracle! I did not die two years ago when all medical indicators said I should (ha – that word again!).
Yoga today was a slow ease into Love.
The more I breathed into each long pose, the more love I felt for my body.
One of the last poses was essentially a surrender — heart open, belly open, yoni open. I breathed into that limitless space inside my chest and felt it expand. All around me in the room, yogis were breathing into their bodies. I felt the armor around my heart that I’d erected the last time Kahuna and I had conflict.
I breathed into that armor, thanked it, and let it go. It’s not serving me now and in fact gets in the way and keeps me from feeling what I yearn to feel — connection.
This morning I created a new mantra. I AM a powerful Being, a magnificent manifestor.
I have lived in a space of lack and fear for too long. I became accustomed to feeling victimized, as if life itself had conspired against me to keep me from what I desire: community, love, home.
The universe conspires to give us what we ask for. I asked for little because I believed I was unworthy of more, and then I resented myself for playing small. I resented others for refusing to play that game. I resented life itself. I felt alone in the world.
My biggest gift right now is that I am alive. Yay! I get to be in a body. I get to FEEL. Even if it feels painful, I am still ALIVE. I get to love and be loved. I get to witness miracles taking place within those I love and out in the world. Our very existence as a species is a gift and a miracle. I give thanks that I am able to know this, and I ask now to create reminders in the times that I forget my wisdom, forget I am powerful, and forget we are one.
I’m convinced that most, if not all, our pain as humans stems from the illusion that we are separate beings.
Today in yoga I anchored into my heart the request that I move ever closer to walking this world in awareness that we are one. We are one and I am a miracle. Life is a miracle. Every day the sun comes up — again! Every breath brings yet another breath. Every heartbeat is followed by another.
It’s a beautiful, magical world.